Stupid Punts!

Stupid Punts!


Examples of the "Nigerian scam" that flood my email box everyday.

Friday, April 27, 2007

The improbably named "Ali Zongo" (as fake names go this one is a tad more ludicrous than most) has written to me today, inviting me to help him commit fraud.

I have written back, inviting him to fark off!


With Due Respect

I am the manager of bill and exchange at the foreign remittance department of african development bank (ADB). I crave your indulgence as i contact you in such a surprising manner. But I respectfully insist you read this letter carefully as I am optimistic it will open doors for unimaginable financial rewards for both of us.

In my department we discovered an abandoned sum of Ten Million,Five Hundred Thousand US dollars (US$10.5m) only , in an account that belongs to one of our foreign customer who died along with his entire family in November 2002 in a plan crash. Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his next of kin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it unless somebody applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines but unfortunately we learnt that all his supposed next of kin or relation died along with him at the plan crash leaving nobody behind for the claim.

It is therefore upon this discovery that I now decided to make this business proposal to you so that the money could be released to you as the next of kin or relation to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and i dont want this money to go into the bank treasury as unclaimed Bill.

The Banking law and guideline here stipulates that if such money remained unclaimed after five years, the money will be transferred into the Bank treasury as "unclaimed fund". The request for a foreigner as next of kin in this business is occasioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner and a Burkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner. We agree that 30% of this money will be for you as a foreign partner, in respect to the provision of a foreign account , 10% will be set aside for expenses incurred during the business and 60% would be for me.

There after I will visit your country for disbursement according to the percentages indicated. Therefore to enable the immediate transfer of this fund to you as arranged, you must apply first to the bank as relation or next of kin of the deceased indicating your bank name,your bank account number, your private telephone and fax number for easy and effective communication and location wherein the money will be remitted. Upon receipt of your reply,I will send to you by fax or email the text of the application.I will not fail to bring to your notice that this transaction is hitch free and that you should not entertain any atom of fear as all required arrangements have been made for the transfer. You should contact me immediately as soon as you receive this letter. Trusting to hear from you immediately.

Yours faithfully,
ali ZONGO,
Bill and exchange manager,
African Development bank ADB

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

This scammer would have me believe that he/she works for Microsoft, and that Microsoft run a regular sweepstake.

Aside from the fact that Microsoft does no such thing, the writer is clearly illiterate and not a native English speaker (despite the email claiming to be from a UK address).

I also very much like to know what a Great Britain Pound is? The currency should be referred to as pounds sterling, pounds or GBP.

Microsoft Award Team
20 Craven Park, Harlesden London NW10,
United Kingdom.
Ref: BTD/968/06
Batch: 409978E

Dear Lucky winner,


The prestigious Microsoft and AOL has set out and successfully organised a
Sweepstakes marking the our GOLDEN JUBILEE anniversary.we rolled out over
100,000.000.00 (One Hundred Million Great Britain Pounds). Participants for the
draws were randomly selected and drawn from a wide range of web hosts which we
enjoy their patronage.

The selection was made through a computer draw system attaching personalised
email addresses to ticket numbers.Microsoft and AOL are now the largest Internet
companies and in an effort to make sure that Internet Explorer remains the most
widely used program, Microsoft and AOL are running an e-mail beta test.

Your email address as indicated was drawn and attached to ticket number
008795727498 with serial numbers BTD/9080648302/06 and drew the lucky numbers
14-21-25-39-40-47(20) which subsequently won you 1,000,000.00 (One Million Great
Britain Pounds) as one of the jackpot winners in this draw. You have therefore
won the entire winning sum of 1,000,000.00 (One Million Great Britain Pounds).
The draws registered as Draw number one was conducted in Brockley, London United
Kingdom on april 24th, 2007.

Please be informed by this winning notification,to file your claims,you are to
make contact with your designated agent who shall by duty guide you through the
process to facilitate the release of your prize.To file for your claim Please
Contact your fiduciary agent

Mr.ken Gate
Microsoft Promotion Award Team
Head Winning Claims Dept.

Our special thanks and gratitude to Bill Gates and his associates.We wish you
the best of luck.
Dr.Olivia Holland
Head Customercare Service
Microsoft Promotion Team

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

The scammer here claims to represent the "British Lottery", and says that I have "won" £710K.

The email contains a raft of spelling and grammatical errors, and is clearly not written by a Brit.

The scammer then signs off "British National Lottery", using a different company name.

Oh, one more thing, there is no such thing as "The British Lottery", or "The British National Lottery".

The Lottery Company
P.O Box 789

Our Dear Winner,

You have won the sum of £710,000 (SEVEN HUNDRED
on our 2007 new year charity bonanza.

The winning ticket was selected from a Data Base of Internet Email
Users,from which your Address came out as the winning coupon.

We hereby urge you to claim the winning amount quickly as
this is a monthly lottery. Failure to claim your win will result into
reversion of the fund to our following month.

You are therefore requested to contact immediately out
Claims Department below quoting winning number: LOTTERY

Contact Person:Mr.Greg Walter
Contact :Rean Consultants Law firm & Schmidtz Associates
(Solicitors Advocates & Arbitrators)

please quote your lottery number.

Congratulations once again.

Mrs Jane Stewart,
Online coordinator for BRITISH NATIONAL LOTTERY
Sweepstakes International Program.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Call me old fashioned, but I am always rather wary of "business" solicitations that open with the expression "Mr Dear".

Suffice to say, this illiterate ignorant scammer (who proposes that I aid her invest non existent money) will not be receiving a favourable response.

My Dear,

It is my pleasure to contact you for a business venture which I and my Son Collins,intend to establish in your country.

Though I have not meet with you before but I believe,one has to risk confidence in other to succeed sometimes in life.There is this huge amount of Five million U.S dollars($5,000,000.00) which my late Husband kept for us in a Security Company in Abidjan before he was assasinated by unknown persons.
Now I and my son have decided to invest these money in your country or anywhere safe enough outside Africa for security and political reasons.We want you to help us claim and retrieve these fund from the Fiduciary Fund Holders and transfer it into your personal account in your country for investment purposes on these areas:

1). Telecommunication
2). the transport industry
3). Five star hotel

If you can be of an assistance to us we will be pleased to offer to you 15% Of the total fund
I await your soonest response
Respectfully yours,

Mrs. Rita Kabila

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

I see that I have "won" the UK National Lottery again. I must be the luckiest person in Britain to have "won" this lottery so many times, if only the money really existed!

P O Box 1010 Liverpool, L70 1NL UNITED KINGDOM
(Customer Services)

Dear Lucky Winner,

This is to inform you that you have been selected for a cash prize of
£1,000,000.00 (British Pounds) held on the 12th of April 2007 in London UK. The
selection process was carried out through random selection in our computerized
email selection system(ess) from a database of over 250,000 email addresses
drawn from which you were selected. Your e-mail address emerged as one of two
winners in the category "A" with the following winning information:

REF No: UKNL-L/200-26937
BATCH No: 2005MJL-01
TICKET No: 20511465463-7644
SERIAL No: S/N-00168
LUCKY No: 887-13-865-37-10-83

The BRITISH UK. Lottery is approved by the British Gaming Board. To begin the
processing of your prize you are to contact our fiduciary claims department for
more information as regards procedures to claim your prize.

Mr. John Morgan
Tel: +44-701-113-1298
Tel: +44-703-195-8028

Contact him by sending him with the under listed informations

1. Name in Full:
2. Home Address:
3. Age:
4. Occupation:
5. Company:
6. Phone Number:
7. Present Country:
8. Nationality:
9. Sex:
10. Winning Email:

Congratulations once more from our members of staff and thank you for being part
of our promotional program.

Mrs. Rose Wood
NOTE: You are to contact your officer immediately with the official

Thursday, April 12, 2007

This pathetic little scammer would have me believe that I have won some lottery in Spain.

Unfortunately, the scammer is a lazy s.o.b. and has neglected to update his tired letter, which says that the draw took place in November 2006. It is now April 2007.



The Board of Directors, members of staff and the International Promotion Department of the ONCE Lotto, wishes to congratulate you on your success as one of the EIGHT LUCKY STAR PRIZE WINNER of 750,000.00(seven hundred and fifty thousand euros) of the ONCE lotto International Promotion (OLP) that was held on the 30th of November 2006,in Spain. The late release of this result was due to difficulties encountered in sorting out mixed up numbers and email addresses. The selection process was carried out through a random selection in our computerized email selection system from a database of over 950,000,000 email addresses drawn from all the continents of the world which your email, was among the first EIGHT (8) lucky winners. Your email address was attached to Reference Number (250/49/S38).

Most recently the foundation set up the NEW HOPE LOTTERY to give out prizes based on the computer balloting system(THEREFORE YOU DO NOT NEED TO BUY A TICKET TO ENTER FOR IT.YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS WAS RANDOMLY SELECTED AS A WINNER). You the beneficiary of the winning email would be responsible for the VETT/APPROVAL DOCUMENT CHARGES (FEES) of your lucky WINNING EMAIL ADDRESSE CHANGED to your FULL NAMES as this is an email promotional programme.

To file for your claim, contact the fiduciary agent direct by phone and email given below with your full names, contact telephone numbers and your Reference number..

TEL: 0034-649-701-853

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Konan "The Scamarian" writes to me about his dead parents, $16M and the fact that he wants me to help him invest this non existent money.

I always find it a little off putting, when sounding out potential "business opportunities", to learn that a person involved with the venture has been "poisoned to death" by his colleagues.

It rather taints the proposal, as far as I am concerned.

From Steve Konan
Medical student
Of The University
Abidjan Ivory Coast
West Africa


I know that my message will come to you as a surprise since I don’t know you in person or met with you before, but I am of the believe that you would be obliged to come to my assistance after hearing about my situation.
I was, until recently, a Medical student of the University of Abidjan, Ivory Coast West Africa.

I am the only Son of late Mr Frederick Drogba Konan. My father was a very wealthy cocoa merchant based in Abidjan, the economic capital of Ivory Coast. He was poisoned to death by his business associates on one of their outing to discuss on a business last year.

When my mother died on the October 1987, my father took me so special because I am motherless. Before the death of my father last year, in a private hospital here in Abidjan. He secretly called me on his bed side and told me that he has a sum of US$ 16,500,000 left in account in a bank here in Abidjan, that he used my name for the next of kin in deposit of the fund. He also explained to me that it is because of this wealth that he was poisoned by his business associates.

1)I am honourably seeking your assistance to provide a bank account where this money will be transferred to.

2)You will serve as the guardian of this funds since I am a Boy of 20 years.

3)You will make arrangement for me to come over to your country after the
money has been transferred to you.

I have plans to do investment in your country, like real estate and industrial production. This is my reason for writing to you. Please if you are willing to assist me please indicate your interest.

I am willing to offer you 15% of the total sum as compensation for your effort/input after this successful transfer of this fund to your nominated account overseas.

Finally if you have any question as regards this transaction contact me so that I will send you documents of this fund. Note that the confidentiality of this transaction would be highly appreciated in replying soonest.

Thanks and best regards.

Steve Konan

Monday, April 02, 2007

I wonder if the scumbags who send me these scams ever read what they write?

How, pray tell, can a list of 25,000,000 email addresses be "exclusive"?


A division of Multi-State Lottery Association (MUSL).North Dakota.

Attn Lucky Winner,
NOTIFICATION FOR CATEGORY "Hot Ball: 15" WINNER ONLY Date: Sat Feb 17 '2007.
We are pleased to inform youa of the result of the last final draw of our
Lottery International Programs. The online cyber lotto draws was conducted from
an exclusive list of 25,000,000 e-mail addresses of individual and corporate
bodies picked by an advanced automated random computer search from the internet.
No tickets were sold.

After this automated computer ballot, your e-mail address emerged as a winner in
the category "Hot Ball: 15" with the following numbers attached Ref Number: PW
9590 ES 9414, and Ticket draw Number:9, 10, 13, 18, 29, You are therefore to
receive a cash prize of $2.27 Million (TWO MILLION TWO HUNDRED AND SEVENTY
THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS). from the total payout.

Your prize award has been insured with your e-mail address and will be
transferred to you upon meeting our requirements, statutory obligations,
verifications, validations and satisfactory report. To file in for the
processing of your prize winnings, you are advised to contact our Certified and
Accredited claims agent for category "Hot Ball: 15" winners with the information

Name: Matthew Chuck

You are advice to provide him with the following information:

Telephone/Fax number:

Congratulations once more from our members of staff and thank you for being part
of our promotional program.

Yours Faithfully,
Walter Morgan.
Lottery Coordinator.