Stupid Punts!

Stupid Punts!

Text

Examples of the "Nigerian scam" that flood my email box everyday.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

The improbably named Dr Goodluck Johnson has written to me today.

He tells me that I am an honest foreigner, then invites me to commit fraud and help him steal $5M (which of course doesn't really exist) from a dormant account of a dead person.

Somewhat contradictory reasoning wouldn't you say?

MOST URGENT!

From: Dr Goodluck Johnson.

Greetings and compliment to you and your family.

It is with heartfelt hope that I write to seek your co-operation and assistance in this regard. I got your contact through the help of my sister-in-law that works with the American Chambers of Commerce and Tourism, though I did not disclose to her my humble intention for an honest foreigner like you. I am Dr. Goodluck Johnson, an accountant with Shell Co-operative Union Savings and Loan Port Harcourt Branch. It's my wish to contact you and have you handle this transaction with me since my late client is a citizen of your country. His death occured on the attacked by the protesting villagers in Eleme Village Port Harcourt and unfortunately, he lost his life on the tragedy.

Before his death, my client had a total sum of US$4,960,000.00M with our institution. Though the account has remained dormant because there is no declearation of next of kin to lay claim to the fund or service the account. Ever since then, I have been using my position of office to guide the account and now I am about to retire and I am soliciting your assistance to secure the fund in your name as the next of kin and have my Attorney stand on your behalf to process the fund transfer to you because I may not have the opportunity as soon as am retired from the office.

If you are willing to handle this transaction with me, both of us will benefit the fund with your help as a foreigner. Contact me with your (FULL NAME, ADDRESS AND PHONE NUMBER) to enable us proceed immediately. Kindly reply to: dr_gjohnson1@yahoo.fr

Regards,

Dr. Goodluck Johnson.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

This scammer uses the phrase "re profiling", what he actually means is money laundering.

Dear Sir,

I am Mr. Alex Mbaki, I represent a top company executive in Russia. I have a very sensitive and private brief from this top executive to ask for your partnership to re-profile funds over 90.5 million Euros.I will give the details, but in summary, the fund isfrom a holding bank in Russia where we have a considerable stake. Presently we have established aprofiling channel through our corresponding bank in Western Europe. We need to present You/your Company as a management consultant to undertake and complete this re-profiling job. This is a legitimate transaction.

Ipropose that you will be paid 8 % of this fund foryour proposed "management consultation invoiced charges", for your assistance to re-profile this funds appropriately, if I am able to reach terms with you. If you are willing to render this assistance quietly, please write back by email and provide me with yourconfidential telephone number, email address and corporate profile and I will provide further details.

Please keep this close to your chest as much as possible; we cannot afford any political problems withMoscow. Whatever your decision, Write me back. I look forward to it.

Please you can reach me via my private email box for more infomation : mbaki_inc@hotmail.com

Regards, Alex Mbaki.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Why don't these dick headed, scumbag scammers use the spell check when they send out these scams?

DEAR FRIEND,

SORRY TO HEAR THIS NEWS, THE FAULT IS NOT FROM MY SIDE RATHER YOUR ACTION. I AM VERY HAPPY TO INFORM YOU ABOUT MY SUCCESS IN GETTING THOSE FUND TRANSFERED UNDER THE CO-OPERATION OF MY NEW PARTNER FROM GERMANY AND I WILL NOT FORGET YOUR PAST EFFORT TO ASSIST ME TO TRANSFER THOSE FUND DESPITE THAT IT FAILED US SOME HOW.

I DRAFTED A CERTIFIED BANK DRAFT OF ($800.000.00) DOLLARS TO COMPENSATE YOU AND I GOT INFORMATION FROM ECOBANK DIRECTOR THAT THE CHEQUE HAS ONE WEEK TO EXPIRE.

DUE TO OUR PAST PROBLEM WE ENCOUNTERED, I INSTRUSTED MY SECRETARY TO RETURN THE CHEQUE BACK TO THE BANK AND I TOLD THE D IRECTOR MARTHIN DAVE TO CONVERT THE CHEQUE INTO CASH TO AVOID LOOSING THE MONEY. ALL THE ARRANGEMENT OF DELIVERING $800.000.00 IN CASH WAS MADE SUCCEESFUL WITH HALLMARK COURIER COMPANY BENIN REPUBLIC.

CONTACT DR.JIMI AKAN THE DIRECTOR, AND INSTRUCT HIM WHERE TO DELIVER THE BOX SINCE THE FUND IS COMING IN CASH.

Email (info_hallmarkdeliverycompany_fil@yahoo.fr)

BELOW IS THE INFORMATION THEY NEED TO DELIVER THE PACKAGE TO YOU.
1.YOUR FULL NAME:-------------------------------
2.YOUR HOME ADDRESS:--------------------------
3.YOUR CURRENT TELEPHONE NUMBER:-----------------------
4.YOUR ATTACH COPY OF YOUR IDENTIFICATION
5. INCLUDE YOUR BOX REGISTERED NUMBER(00864)

I HAVE PAID FOR THE DELIVERY FEE AND MY SECRETARY STATED THAT THE TRUNK BOX FUND WAS DEPOSITED AS AFRICAN CLOTHS FOR SECURITY REASONS AND IT IS COVEREDWITH INSURANCE BOND. DONT LET THE COURIER TO KNOW THE REAL CONTENT OF THE BOX FOR THE SECURE OF YOUR FUND. II'M BUSY HERE WITH MY NEW PARTNER FOR INVESTMENT PROJECT IN GERMANY THIS IS THE REASON YOU HAVE TO RECEIVE THIS FUND THROUGH COURIER.

I JUST HAVE THIS OPPORSTUNITY TO EMAIL YOU TODAY. DO LET ME KNOW AS SOON AS YOU RECEIVE THE FUND SO THAT BOTH OF US WILL SHARE JOY TOGETHER.

REGARDS.

MR. ANTHONY ZAKI

Saturday, October 27, 2007

This scammer would have me believe that I have won the UK Coca Cola Lottery, there is of course no such thing.

Also, one word of advice for this scammer, the word "national" has an "l" at the end.

YOU HAVE WON
UK COCA-COLA LOTTERY AWARD WINNINGS
Liverpool, L70 1NL
UNITED KINGDOM
(Customer Services)
Ref: UK/9420X2/68
Batch: 074/05/ZY369
CONTACT LORRAINE DODDS: mss_lorrainedodds@yahoo.co.in

UK COCA-COLA LOTTERY AWARD WINNINGS


We happily announce to you the draw (#966) of the UK NATIONA COCA-COLA LOTTERY,online Sweepstakes International program held on 25th of OCT,2007. our e-mail address attached to ticket number:56475600545 188 withSerial number 5368/02 drew the lucky numbers: 01-02-08-09-41-48-29 ( bonusno.29), which subsequently won you the lottery in the 2nd category i.e match 5 plus bonus.


You have therefore been approved to claim a total sum of (£1,000,000.00 pounds sterling) in cash credited to fileKTU/9023118308/03. This is from a total cash prize of £2,810,963 shared amongst the (5) lucky winners in this category ie Match 5 plusbonus All participants for the online version were selected randomly from WorldWide Web sites through computer draw system and extracted from over 100,000 unions, associations, and corporate bodies that are listed online.


This promotion takes place weekly.Please note that your lucky winning numberfalls within our European booklet representative office in Europe as indicated inyour play coupon. In view of this, your (£1,000,000.00 pounds sterling) will be released to you by any of our payment offices in Europe.


Our European agent will immediately commence the process to facilitate the release of our funds as soon as you contact him. For security reasons, you are advised to keep your winning information confidential till your claim is processed and your money remitted to you in whatever manner you deem fit to claim your prize.


This is part of our precautionary measure to avoid double claiming and Unwarranted abuse of this program. Please be warned. Please file your claim form, and send to our fiduciary agent:


FULL NAMES:..........................
AGE:.................................
SEX:.................................
TICKET NUMBER:.......................
AMOUNT WON...........................
COMPANY NAME:........................
OCCUPATION:..........................
Ref:.................................
Batch:...............................


CONTACT LORRAINE DODDS: mss_lorrainedodds@yahoo.co.in


Mrs. Lorraine Dodds
Email:mss_lorrainedodds@yahoo.co.in
Tel:+44 702 407 0294
+44 702 407 0512


For Further enquiries and confirmation, Please contact the claim agent Congratulations from me and members of staff of the UK NATIONAL COCA-COLA LOTTERY.


Yours faithfully,
VIVIAN RACHEAL(Mrs)

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

This scammer claims that I may not remember him, so far so good. However, he then goes on to tell me that my compensation of £1.5M for the transaction that we were working on is now ready.

I think that I would recall working with someone on a transaction that would net me $1.5M!

Dear Friend,

You might find it so difficult to remember me. Though, it is indeed, a very long time. On my singular, I am much delighted and privileged to contact you again, after couple of years now. It takes fate, courage and God fears to remember old friends and at the same time, to show gratification to them, despite circumstances that made things, notworked out as we Projected then.

I take this liberty to inform you that, the transaction we were pursuing together finally worked out by God's infinite mercy and I decided to contact you, just to let you know. I have conscience as a human being, due to your tremendous effort to make things work out in retrospect.

Meanwhile, I must inform you that, I am presently in Karachi,Sind,Pakistan for numerous business negotiations. I just arrived yesterday Night and checked inn, in a hotel and decided to go down to the hotel business centre to mail you. Now, with my sincere heart, I released a total sum of US$1.500,000.00(ONE MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) in a trust account as your COMPENSATION, dedication humanity and contribution, the trust account is in your name.

Therefore, contact my account officer now on this confidential E-mail: valray_2004@yahoo.fr [ATTN: VALETINE RAYMOND] in Cotonou Benin Republic and you are to forward to him, the following:

1. YOUR FULL! NAME & ADDRESS.
2. YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER.

He will advise you on how to cash the money from the bank affiliate branch near your domain and he will facilitate the process to you enable cash fund within the code validity period of 14 banking days.

Sincerely Yours,

Mr.Victor Mutako

Monday, October 22, 2007

Well here is a rather an odd little scam. Seemingly the scammer would have me believe that he is a clergyman in the Church of England, and that the church was happy to advance me a loan of up to £500K.

Since when was the Church of England, or any other church, in the business of making loans to facilitate business?

Whilst we are on the subject, writing an email in block capitals is not considered to be terribly polite.

Also, if the "reverend" is based in the UK, why is his email address in Hong Kong?

Such such an obvious scam!

Church Of Christ In England,
St, Johns Lane Bedminster,
Bristol,
England.BS3 5AY England,
UK.
KIND ATTENTION.
I'M REV. FABIO LOPEZ THE PUBLISHER OF THECHURCH OF CHRIST INENGLAND.WE WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WEHAVE THE CALLING FROM THE LORDTO HELP THOSE WHO ARE IN NEED AND INFINANCIAL PROBLEM,BY GIVEN OUTLOAN TO ANY,INDIVIDUAL,COMPANY'S ANDSOCIETY THAT NEED MONEY TO DOBUSINESS.

THE AMOUNT OF THE LOAN HAS BEEN SIGNEDAND APPROVED BY THE CHURCHCOMMITTEE THE SUM OF £5000.000.00 WHICH YOU HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO LOAN£100,000.00 TO £500,000.00.YOU ARE TORETURN THE LOAN WHICH IS GRANTED TOYOU IN 4 YEARS AGREEMENT.

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED KINDLY CONTACTBISHOP JOSEPH ARSENAULT WITH THEINFORMATION BELOW.
NAME :
BISHOP JOSEPH ARSENAULT.
Email : bishopjoseph_arsenaultxy@yahoo.com.hk
STAY BLESSED.
REV. FABIO LOPEZ.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Here's a novel scam, seemingly I am owed a few dollars by the US Internal Revenue Service.

All I have to do is click the link, and fill in a few details.

One small problem, I am not a US citizen and am not liable to pay US tax.

After the last annual calculations of your fiscal activity we have determined
that you are eligible to receive a tax refund under section 501 (c) (3)
of the Internal Revenue Code. Tax refund value is $268.32.
Please submit the tax refund request and allow us 3-6 days in order to
process it.

If you distribute funds to other organizations, your records must show
whether they are exempt under section 497 (c) (11). In cases where the
recipient organization is not exempt under section 497 (c) (11), you must
have evidence the funds will be used for section 497 (c) (11) purposes.

If you distribute fund to individuals, you should keep case histories showing
the recipient's name and address; the purpose of the award; the manner of
section; and the relationship of the recipient to any of your officers, directors,
trustees, members, or major contributors.

To access the form for your tax refund, please click here


Note: For security reasons, we will record your ip-address, the date and time.
Deliberate wrong inputs are criminally pursued and indicated.


Regards,
Internal Revenue Service

Thursday, October 18, 2007

This scammer is trying to lure greedy unprincipled people into his net, by offering them a chance to steal money from a "charity".

Needless to say, there is no money.

Given that most of those who respond to this are doing so with the intention of stealing the money, or "taking a dip", I have no sympathy for those with dishonest intentions who find themselves fleeced by this scammer.

Dear Beloved

DONATION FOR CHARITY WORKS

May God be with you and richly bless you as you readthis without prejudice. Amen!I am Pastor David Mark, from Cotonou in the Republic of Benin and a lawyer by profession. To the Glory of God, I was priviledged to be a close friend and confidant to a late brother in Christ Rev. Jeff Ferguson, who worked tirelessly both in his private life and in the service of God in his lifetime before his devine call. May his soul rest in perfect peace. Amen!

In all my association with this late brother andfriend, this revelation, the object of this mail wasnever made known to me because the late Rev. Jeff Ferguson lived a very disciplined life. He was wealthy before he went into ministry and adequately provided for his family and also cared for people who were opportuned to come in close contact with him. However, shortly before his call to eternal Glory, he had summoned me to his sick bed and made me promise to carry out his last wishes as a trusted friend and confidant. I promised without knowing what he was about to say and also, at the time, I believed he was not going to die.

Well, he told me he had some funds which he registered with a security company as a consignment, which he intended to be used for charity, ministry, evangelical work or otherwise when he was gone, but did not want his immediate family to know about for fear of subversion of his promise and pledge to God. He then prayed for me and blessed me trusting that Iwould not subvert his pledge to God.

Before he died,he gave me information concerning the fund and what I was to do. With all due respect to him, I waited for the completion of the burial rites and mourning and other sundry matters concerning him before proceeding to reach you.

I have prayed concerning this issue for God's guidance and if in your heart you geniunely desire to use this fund for charity work in any form whether for orphanage , ministry, evangelical work or otherwise in relation to God's work, do get in touch with me and let us pray together over this before we can make further arrangements.

God bless you once again and as you receive, give God all the Glory.

You are blessed in Christ Jesus.

Yours in the Lord,

Pastor David Mark

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

This little scammer offers a stonkingly large amount of money, over £54M. He advises me that there is no risk, and that the funds can never be "dictated"?

Unfortunately, there are two problems with his kind offer:

1 It is illegal

2 He doesn't have any money

Good Day,

I am a Fund Manager with Fidelity Investment UK and I handle all our Investor's Capital Project Funds that enables me to divert 1.2%

Investors Excess Return Capital Funds to our Magellan Trust Funds Account whereby anyone can be presented to claim the funds.

On this note, the total sum of £54.745M (Fifty Four Million, Seven Hundred and Forty Five Thousand British Pounds) has been diverted representing the 1.2% Excess Return Capital Funds from the Investor Capital Project Funds for 2005/2006.I need a reliable and trustworthy person that can work this deal out with me so that we can claim the funds as mentioned above. There is no risk attached and the funds in question can never be dictated or traced.

Our sharing ratio will be discussed as soon as I receive your response. If you are interested, get back to me for more details about the deal.

Do direct your positive response to pin1939@yahoo.dk

Sincerely.

Mr.Tim McCarron.

Monday, October 15, 2007

This scammer has been a tad quick off the mark in telling me that I have won the UK National Lottery, held on the 15th of October; as he sent me the notification at 2:00am on the 15th.

It is hardly likely that the good people of the real UK National Lottery would have got up at around midnight to make the draw.

Pin No:9387001Serial No:5388/02
Attention: Lucky Winner,
We are happy to announce that you are one of our Lucky Four(4)Star Prize Winner in this months edition of the Uk National Online Lottery Promotion held on Monday 15th of october 2007 in England This makes you a proud owner of the sum of 850,000 GBP It is important that you acknowledge your receipt of this correspondence On how to clam your Funds requires:
Full Name,Contact Address,Age,Sex,Occupation,Country,State,Phone Number.
All informations should be sent to the claims Agentdennis barry Via Emaildennis_claims_ageint@hotmail.comemail;
Tel:+ 4 4 701 1129 488
Congratulations once again
Best Regards,
dennis barry
Claims Agent

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Hooray, another multi digit lottery "win"!

Such a shame that it is a scam, if only 1% of these "wins" were genuine I would be a very wealthy man by now.

10TH GLOBAL PROMO-ORGANIZATION INTERNATIONAL PROGRAM

FROM: THE DESK OF THE PROMOTIONS MANAGERINTERNATIONAL PROMOTIONS/PRIZE AWARD

DEPARTMENT.ALFONSTRAAT B56, 1002 BS AMSTERDAM, THE NETHERLANDS.

REF: OYL /26510460037/02BATCH: 24/00319/IPD

Dear Winner,

Your ticket number:023-0148-790-459 with Serial number 5368/05 drew the lucky number: 29 Congratulations, you have just won yourself $850,000 in the satellite software email lottery conducted by GLOBAL PROMO in which e-mail addresses are picked randomly by software powered by the internet.

You email address was amongst those chosen this quarter and you are to contact our Claims Agent for Clearance.

----------------------------------------------------------

Here are the contact info:

Claims Agent:Mrs. Debra J. MorrisEmail: claimsagent@10thglobalpromo.org

---------------------------------------------------------

You are to forward the following details to the above email address for immediate payment:
1.Full Names:
2.Address:
3.Age (MUST BE ABOVE 18YRS):
4.Sex:
5.Marital Status:
6.Occupation:
7.Phone and fax numbers :
8.country:
-------------------------------------------------------
Sincerely,
Zack Sonnie.
Promotions Manager.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

This scammer has some delightful turns of phrase:

"an obscured business suggestion"

"I shall not accept or acknowledge any phonically"

However, despite the delightful turns of phrase, he is still a criminal seeking to steal people's money.

MR MING YANG

Hang Seng Bank Ltd

Sai Wan Ho Branch

171 Shaukiwan Road

Hong Kong.



Good Day,



Let me start by introducing myself. I am Mr. Ming Yang, Director of operations of the Hang Seng Bank Ltd, Sai Wan Ho Branch, Hong Kong.I have an obscured business suggestion for you. I am here-by seeking your service in giving a clear research and feasibility studies on areas I could invest on. Your services will be paid for. As a bank employee, I can not operate any personal investment till I am retired and with the Anti-corruption Bill passed in Hong Kong. So i urge you to foward your full names/full address for more acquaintances.



For security purpose, due to telecom interception in Hong Kong, I shall not accept or acknowledge any phonically. Only fax messages/emails would be treated in relation to this proposal but not without this code; [CODE NO: AM-002].I would prefer you to reach me through my confidential email address: below:

mrmingyang_operations@walla.com



Kind Regards

Mr. Ming Yang.

Monday, October 08, 2007

Great, I have won the BT lottery!

The only small problem being that there is no such lottery, it is a scam.

From: notification@btplc.com
British Telecommunication plc.
Ref. Number: 359/306/25921
Batch Number: 645338152-AD67

Dear Sir/Madam,
We are pleased to inform you of the result of the Lottery Winners International programs held on the 4th Sept. 2007 by British Telecommunication plc while all new and old British Telecommunication plc customers and wireless users email address were added for the lottery. Your e-mail address attached to ticket number 278541465006-4872 with serial Number 1772-554 drew lucky numbers 5-14-18-23-33-39 which consequently won in the 3rd category, you have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out of £100,000 (One hundred thousand Pounds).

CONGRATULATIONS!!! Due to regulations and privacy policy, we ask that you keep your winning information confidential until you file for your claim. This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants. All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from all British Telecommunication plc Users, TELUS Mobility customers,Telecom customers,O2 customers,Primus Telecommunications Customers,Virgin Mobile customers, Bell / Aliant Mobility customers, Rogers Wireless customers, Kingston Communications customers,Vodafone,Orange,T-Mobile and TalkTalk customers individual email addresses all over UK, Ireland and Canada. This promotional program takes place every 10 years by British Telecommunication plc. This lottery was promoted and sponsored by British Telecommunication plc(BT Group). British Telecommunications plc (BT) is a wholly-owned subsidiary of BT Group plc and encompasses virtually all businesses and assets of the BT Group. BT Group plc is listed on stock exchanges in London and New York.

To file for your claim, please contact our fiducial Agent: Mr Mark Cole through this email address : mark.cole@BTplcwinners.com and summit all your details requested below:

> - FULL NAME:
> - ADDRESS:
> - CITY:
> - STATE:
> - COUNTRY:
> - TEL NUMBERS:
> - FAX NUMBERS:
> - Mobile NUMBERS:
> - COMPANY NAME(if any):
> - AGE:
> - Ref. Number: 359/306/25921
> - Batch Number: 645338152-AD67
> - Direct Mobile Number:
> - We can required a driver's licence, passport or any ID with your picture for verification and prove to claim your lottery if necessary.

Remember, all winning must be filled not later than 30th of October 2007 or when authentic proof is given for the delay of filing. Please note in order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications,remember to quote your reference number and batch numbers in all correspondence. Furthermore, should there be any change of address do inform our agent as soon as possible. Congratulations once more from our members of staff and thank you for being a Winner in our promotional program. Note: Anybody under the age of 18 is automatically disqualified.

Sincerely yours,
Mrs Joy Terry.
Lottery Co-ordinator.
BT Group.
EMAIL: joy.terry@BTplcwinners.com

Thursday, October 04, 2007

A business proposal, made by a complete stranger, involving $24M...could this possibly be a scam?

I think so!

Hello Friend,
I am Mr Patrick Chan,I have a business proposal of $24,500.000.00 for you to handle with me.

If you are interested, indicate your interest and I shall provide you with more details of the business.


Regards,
Patrick Chan

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

The improbably named "Mrs Loveth Richard" has written to me today. Guided to my email address, so she says, by the hand of God.

Diamonds, a dead body Sierra Leone...why do I get the feeling that this is a scam?

Hello Friend,

I have the feelings that this piece of mail will reach you in a perfect state of mind and in a better healthy codition. I came across your name and address andafter praying over it, i decided to get across to youin respect of investment at my disposal,I will be so glad if you can allow me and lead me to the rightchannel towards your assistance to my situation now.I will make my proposal well known if I am given the opportunity.

I would like to use this opportunity to introducemyself to you. Well I am Mrs Loveth the only daughterof Mr. Znak Richard, a diamond dealer from KENEMA in Sierra Leone. My father is now late,he died somemonths back during the last and current crisis in my country(SierraLeone). He was Killed by the rebels for refusing to join and sponsor them.main reason why I am contacting you now is to seek your assistance in thearea of my future investment and also for a help handover some huge amount of money in my possession. This money (US$7 .5 Million)is deposited in a Bank some years ago by my father and he made me the sole beneficiary .

I am now asking you to stand on my behalf to claim the deposit from the Bank and assist me on investing it as well in your country. Since after the death of my father in the hands of the rebels I have been in a very big difficulty of how to safeguard the money that my father left for me before his death .I am afraid I dont know how and where to start about it. Please if you can help me try to reply me urgently as i will explain more to you and we candiscuss fully and God will always bless you for your help which I know you shall never regret as I am going to take you as my caretaker.

Please attach your directand full information as you reply to this mail.

Thanks and Remain bless.

Regards Loveth.