Stupid Punts!

Stupid Punts!

Text

Examples of the "Nigerian scam" that flood my email box everyday.

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

This gentleman appears to be under the impression that I have only just finished celebrating New Year (I wish!).

As usual he has a dead mother and father, he lives in a refugee camp; but "grips" a certificate for a box in London containing $12M.

His spirit has moved him to contact me.

I think these guys need to consider hedging the dollar value of the "assets" they hold; given the collapse of the Dollar, their "wealth" is erodoing fast!

He very kindly informs me that I do not need to go to Africa.

All I need do is email or call him, he looks forward to hearing my voice...don't hold your breath matey.

DEAR Ken Frost,

HOW WAS YOUR HOLIDAY SEASON, I WISH YOU THE BEST
OF 2004.

I AM WRITING TO YOU, BECAUSE I HAVE A NEED, WHICH
FINDING SOLUTION TO IT HAS KEPT ME AWAKE EVEN WHEN I
AM SUPPOSED TO BE ASLEEP.I AM MR. PATRICK KABAKA A LIBERIAN NATIONALITY AND
ARESIDENCE OF THE “BUJUMBURA REFUGEE CAMP” CENTRALREGION – GHANA.

MY FATHER, “JOSEPH KABAKA” WHO WAS EQUALLY PITCHED AGAINST THEREBELLION IN
LIBERIA, WAS KILLED ON 15/05/03BEFORE THE INTERVENTIONOF THE “ECOMOG”. MY LATE
FATHER WAS ASSASINATED WITH MY MOTHER WHEN
THEY WERE COMING BACK FROM A CAUCUS CRUCIAL MEETING THAT BROUGHT HOPEAND PEACE
IN THE LARGER LIBERIA.
I AM PRESENTLY AT THE BUJUMBURA REFUGEE CAMP, GOING
THROUGH DEMEANING INCONVENIENCES ON REFUGEE STATUS IN GHANA.I AM IN GRIP OF A
CERTIFICATE OF DEPOSIT OF A RESERVENET $12 MILLION USD CASH IN A METAL BOX
SECURED IN THE “LONDON” – WITH FBX FINANCIAL BANKING
SERVICES.WEBSITE:www.fbx-online.com

THE NATURE OF THE DEPOSIT IS SUCH THAT I NEED TO MAKE
NECESSARY PROVISIONS TO ESTABLISH YOUR IN
PARTICIPATION AS INVESTMENT ADVISOR / PARTNER TO
RETRIEVE THIS BEQUEATH. THIS CONFIDENTIAL
COLLABORATION IS WHAT MY SPIRIT HAS ILLUMINATED ME TO
SEEK YOU FOR NEEDED ASSIATANCE TO DELIVER
UNAMBIGUOUSLY, GIVEN THE NECESSARY MANDATE.

FOR YOUR PARTICIPATION, I OFFER A REMUNARATION OF 30%
OF $12 M, AND YOU WILL NOT BE REQUIRED TO VISIT
AFRICA, BUT ONLY THAT YOU WILL ASSIST IN MY MIGRATION
TO EUROPE IMMEDIATELY THIS BUSINESS IS CONSUMATED.

PLEASE CALL ME ON ...., I GIVE YOU GOOD
WISHES AND GOOD TIDINGS. HAPPY NEW YEAR, SIR.
I WAIT YOUR RETURN MAIL OR VOICE.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,
PATRICK KABAKA.

Monday, February 16, 2004

This gentleman is offering me a healthy 5% on a property deal worth $230M.

Now that's easy money!

All I have to do is act as property agent for him and his money which is, of course, in escrow.

All he needs from me are a few details, so that he can discuss the "modalities".

Don't think so chummy.

Dear sir,
ASSISTANCE REQUIRED FOR ACQUISITION OF ESTATE
I write to inform you of my desire to acquire estates or landed properties in
your country on behalf of the Director of Contracts and Finance Allocation of
the Federal Ministry of Works and Housing in Nigeria.
Considering his very strategic and influential position, he would want the
transaction to be strictly confidential as possible. He further wants his
identity to remain undisclosed at least for now, until the completion of the
transaction. Hence our desire to have an overseas agent. I have therefore been
directed to inquire if you would agree to act as our overseas agent in order to
actualize this transaction.
The deal, in brief, is that the funds with which we intend to carry out our
proposed investments in your country is presently in an Escrow account in a
Finance Trust & Security House in Europe. We need your assistance to transfer
the funds to your country in a convenient bank account that will be provided by
you before we can put the funds into use in your country. For this, you shall be
considered to have executed a contract for the Federal Ministry of Works and
Housing in Nigeria for which payment should be effected to you by the Ministry.
The contract sum of which shall run into US$230 Million, of which your share
shall be 5% if you agree to be our overseas agent.
As soon as payment is effected, and the amount mentioned above is successfully
transferred into your account, we intend to use our own share in acquiring some
estates abroad. You shall also serve as our agent.
In the light of this, I would like you to forward to me the following
information:
1. Your company name and address
2. Your personal fax number
3. Your personal telephone number for easy communication.
You are requested to communicate your acceptance of this proposal through my
above stated email address and my confidential fax number +234 1 759-3335, after
which we shall discuss in details the modalities for seeing this transaction
through. Your quick response will be highly appreciated. Thank you in
anticipation of your cooperation.
Yours faithfully,
Dr. Williams Ajebor.
F. M. W. & H, Federal Secretariat Building
Lagos, Nigeria

Thursday, February 12, 2004

This lady wrote to me three times today.

She claims to be a mother of three (all together now "aaaahhhh!!"), and the deputy minister for minerals in South Africa.

She is offering me a share of $18.5M if I help get her late husband's money (coming from diamonds of course) out of the country. He was a businessman who was vast and successful (or was it his business that was vast?)

Rather ironic (or using her words "strange and surprising") that she picked me, as I did once work for De Beers.

Do I believe her story, no!

From: Mrs. Susan Shabangu.

Greetings to you,

With warm heart I offer my friendship, and greetings,
and I hope this mail meets you in good time. However
strange or surprising this contact might seem to you
as we have not met personally or had any dealings in
the past, I humbly ask that you take due consideration
of its importance and the immense benefit it will be
to you.

After careful consideration with my children, we
resolved to contact you for your most needed
assistance in this manner. I duly apologize
for infringing on your privacy, if this contact is not
acceptable to you, as I make this proposal to you as a
person of integrity.

First and foremost I wish to introduce myself properly
to you. My name is Mrs. Susan Shabangu, mother of
three and the Deputy Minister of Minerals and Energy
of The Republic of South Africa for seven years
running.

I will now give you a general overview of the
situation. When I was sworn in as Deputy Minister of
Minerals and Energy in 1996, with my influence, my
husband Mr. Ndelebe Shabangu a very successful
businessman was awarded several contracts in my
ministry and had direct dealings with foreign
investors in this field. Due to my political status, I
was not involved in my husband's business which was
very vast and successful. My beloved husband died
whilst on an official trip to Trinidad and Tobago in
February 2001.

When my husband died, I was contacted as next of kin
by a private security firm in Europe to come forth
with the Certificate of Deposit and claim a safety
deposit my husband has in their Vault in his name. At
that time, my children and I did not have an idea
where the Certificate might be. We then instructed the
security firm to continue holding the safety deposit
until further instructions from me. Whilst preparing
for the second remembrance of my beloved husband, I
was going through his library collection and to my
astonishment I discovered a Certificate of Deposit for
the safety deposit with this private security firm,
and other documents relating to the safety deposit in
a book. The safety deposit which is a trunk, is
stocked with hard currency (US Dollars)totalling
$18,500,000 which was generated from cash payments
from his business associates in the diamond trade from
Antwerp, Belgium.

Though I knew my late husband was in the diamond
business, I did not have the knowledge that he moved
funds in cash. This has came as a shock to me and my
children, and we have decided to have this fund
invested immediately in commercial and residential
properties abroad as well as profitable ventures, as
any member of my family cannot hold such a huge
amount in our name due to my political status, hence
we sincerely propose to you to render us your most
needed assistance in this regard.

If you agree to render us your assistance, your role
in this project will be to act on my behalf as a
trustee to receive the safety deposit containing the
funds from the Security firm. Though I believe this
transaction should be based on mutuality, my family's
interest will be protected by a family associate, who
is my son . He is now aware of the safety deposit, and
I have informed him that I am locating one of my
husband's business associates (you) to handle the
funds and invest on our behalf.

For your reliable assistance, we are offering you 15
%($2,775,000) of the funds. I thank you in advance as
we anticipate your assistance in enabling us achieve
this goal.
On hearing from you, I will forward your contact to
my son and give you his contact for both of you to
communicate and proceed with the transaction.

He will be working with you for a mutual conclusion of
the process and I look forward to a long lasting
business relationship with you. As you may
understand,due to my sensitive position in the present
government,it is not safe to communicate with me via
phone or fax.

This is why I have communicated with you with my
private email address, and I like us to keep this way,
for the safety of this transaction.



With warm regards,
MRS. SUSAN SHABANGU
Deputy Minister of Minerals and Energy
South Africa


Wednesday, February 11, 2004

The Dutch are on to me again, trying to convince me that I have won the Mega Lottery (whatever that is!).

Needless to say they need a few details from me, eg bank account..no chance....

Attention,

For security reasons, Mega Lottery have send your winning notification to you as
an email attachment.

You are advice to fill in for your claim.
Congratulations!!!.

Yours faithfully,
Mrs. Linda Van de Boer.

Thursday, February 05, 2004

The is chap claims to be a fellow auditor no less, obviously a man of high principles!

Unfortunately, he only has $7M in the unused account; not up to my usual standards.

The other "slight porky" is that he claims to have only written to me, very likely!

I AM MR JOSEPH KOLO
THE AUDIT AND COMPUTING
MANAGER OF ANCIENT TRUST
BANK LOME TOGO WEST AFRICA,

Dear Sir
THERE IS AN ACCOUNT OPEN IN THIS BANK IN 1982 ANDSINCE 2000
NOBODY HAS OPERATED ON THIS ACCOUNT AGAIN.AFTER GOING THROUGH
SOME OLD FILES IN THE RECORDS I DISCOVERED THAT IF I DO NOT
REMITT THIS MONEY OUT URGENTELY IT WILL FORFEITED FOR
NOTHING.THE OWNER


OF THIS ACCOUNT MR JOHNSON SHERVON.A FORIGNER AND THE MANAGER OF
PETROL CHEMICAL SERVICE, A ELECTRICAL ENGINEER BY PROFFESSION
AND HE DIED SINCE 2000. NO OTHER PERSON KNOWS ABOUT THIS ACCOUNT
OR ANYTHING CONCERNING IT, THE ACCOUNT HAS NO OTHER BENEFICIAR


Y AND MY INVESTIGATION PROVED TO ME AS WELL THAT HIS COMPANY
DOES NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS ACCOUNT ANDTHE
AMOUNTINVLOVEDSU.S.$7(SEVEN MILLION DOLLARS).I WANT TO TRANSFER
THIS MONEY INTO A SAFE FORIGN ACOUNT ABROAD BUT I DON'T KNOW ANY
FOREIGNER, I AM


ONLY CONTACTING YOU AS A FOREIGNER BECAUSE THIS MONEY CAN NOT BE
APPROVED TO ANY LOCAL BANK HERE BUT CAN ONLY BE APPROVED TO ANY
FOREIGN ACCOUNT BECAUSE THE MONEY IS U.S DOLLARS AND THE FORMER
OWNER OF THE ACCOUNT IS MR.JOHNSON SHERVON AND HE WAS A FORE


IGNER TOO. I KNOW THAT THIS MESSAGE WILL COME TO YOU AS A
SURPRISE AS WE DON'T KNOW OUR SELF BEFORE, BUT BE SURE THAT IT
IS REAL AND A GENUINE BUSINESS.I ONLY GOT YOUR CONTACT FROM OUR
CHAMBERS OF COMMERCE RESEARCH WITH BELIEVE IN GOD THAT YOU WILL
NEVER


LET ME DOWN IN THIS BUSINESS, YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON THAT I
HAVE CONTACTED FOR THIS BUSINESS FOR NOW. SO PLEASE REPLY
URGENTLY. WHEN THE TRANSFER IS APPROVED AND PAYMENT SCHEDULE I
WILL PROVIDE YOU AN ACCOUNT ON WHERE YOU WILL TRANSFER MY OWN
PERCENTAG


E IN THE DEAL,I WILL USE MY POSITION IN THE OFFICE TO PROVIDE
ALL THE NECESSARY INFORMATION FOR THE APPROVAL OF THIS FUND.I
WILL COME DOWN TO YOUR COUNTRY FOR THE SHARING AND OTHER
INVESTMENT. AT THE CONCLUSION OF THIS BUSINESS, YOU WILL BE
GIVEN 35% OF


THE TOTAL AMOUNT, 60% WILL BE FOR ME, WHILE 5% WILL BE FOR
EXPENSES , BOTH PARTIES MIGHT HAVE INCURED DURING THE PROCESS OF
TRANSACTION.I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR EARLIEST REPLY
YOURS TRULY,

MR JOSEPH KOLO


Tuesday, February 03, 2004

Now someone claiming to have links with the ANC writes to me.

He has $27M, frozen in a bank account; the usual pathetic story..wants my bank account details etc etc.

This chap is very keen, he sent me the same email four times.

Each one has been swiftly allocated to my waste basket!

From : Alex Yengeni

With warm hearts I offer my friendship, and my greetings,
and I hope this letter meets you in good time. However, I
am sincerely seeking your confidence in this transaction,
which I propose with my free mind and as a person of
integrity.

I got your contact as a result of my discreet search for
an associate in your country. I know this e-mail must come
to you as a surprise,more so that we have not met before.I
maintain the theory that business is people and contacts
hence this e-mail to you.I am particularly interested in
dealing with you because I expect you to be reliable and
be more helpful.

My name is Alex Yengeni a south African citizen.I am the
younger brother to Mr Tony Yengeni.My brother Mr.Tony was
the chairman of parliament's in south Africa and the
former chief whip of the ruling political party ANC .My
Brother (MR. T. YENGENI),as a result of trust and
Confidence he has mandated me that I search for a Reliable
and trustworthy foreign partner, who will assist me in
receiving some funds,which we have in cash Totalling
US$27.5m (Twenty-seven million five hundred thousand
dollars ) into a personal,company or any Reliable foreign
bank account for safe keeping for a Short period of time,
since our family bank accounts Within and outside the
country have all been Frozen by the authorities. (I would
refer you to these few Websites for further information
About my family and Why I Really Require Your Assistance.)


1) http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/2756861.stm
2)
http://www.cnn.com/2001/WORLD/europe/10/03/safrica.arms/index.html
3)
http://www.sabcnews.co.za/south_africa/crime1justice/0,1009,55366,00.html

However, I still want to let you know that this money is
under the custody of a Private Security And Finance
Company in Europe.I am believing you to be a trustworthy
person and will not take advantage of us when the money
gets to you.


The total sum will be shared as follows:for your
assistance we are offering you 20%, 75% For my family, 2%
will be used for the reimbursement of all the expenses we
will incur in the process of this project and 3% will be
donation to orphanage homes and the poor.
There is no risk involved as we have put all modalities in
place to see to the success of this project.


Please as you show your willingness, Forward to us your
full name, address and Tel/ Fax numbers, to me via my
private email address as indicated bellow, this is for
security reasons as I will only be accessing my
private email earnestly awaiting your response.




God bless,
Sincerely,
Alex Yengeni.