Advice To Barrister Michael Koffigoh

I believe the word you are groping for is "message", not "massage", re the text in the email you sent me:

"PLEASE KINDLY OPEN MY ATTACHMENT READ MY MASSAGE AND GET BACK TO ME IS VERY IMPORTANT IS ABOUT MY LATE CLIENT A CITIZEN OF YOUR COUNTRY."

Cretin!

Am I Dead yet?

My thanks to the scammer who sent me a message with the following subject line:

"ARE YOU DEAD? IF YOU ARE NOT DEAD CONTACT IMMEDIATELY‏"

As far as I am aware, I am not dead yet. However, dead or alive, I won't waste my time contacting the scammer.

Advice To Scammers

The phrase "my late husband died" is tautology, if you are going to try to scam someone at least have the wit to do it in a grammatically correct fashion.

David Cameron Offers Me £2M

I am deeply "honoured" to have received a message from David Cameron the Prime Minister.

Seemingly he has £2M that he believes is owed to me and, moreover, his colleague William Hague (the Foreign Secretary) needs my personal details in order for me to receive this money.

Hmmmm....

"Our ref: ATM/13470/IDR
Your ref:...Date: 29/11/2012

IMMEDIATE PAYMENT NOTIFICATION

I am The Rt Hon David Cameron MP,Prime Minister, First Lord of the Treasury and Minister for the Civil Service British Government. This letter is to officially inform you that (ATM Card Number 5454 7168 0041 0640) has been accredited with your favor. Your Personal Identification Number is 1090.The VISA Card Value is 2,000,000.00(Two Million, Great British Pounds Sterling).

This office will send to you an Visa Card/ATM CARD that you will use to withdraw your funds in any ATM MACHINE CENTER or Visa card outlet in the world with a maximum of ?5000 GBP daily.Further more,You will be required to re-confirm the following information to enable;The Rt Hon William Hague MP First Secretary of State for British Foreign & Commonwealth Affairs. begin in processing of your ATM Card.

(1)Full names: (2)Address: (3)Country: (4)Nationality: (5)Phone #: (6)Age: (7)Occupation: (8) Post Codes

Rt Hon .William Hague MP
First Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs
Email;minister.affairs@superposta.com

TAKE NOTICE: That you are warned to stop further communications with any other person(s) or office(s) different from the staff of the State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs to avoid hitches in receiving your payment.

Regards,
Rt Hon David Cameron MP
Prime Minister"

Advice To Spammers and Scammers

The word is "notification" not "motification"!

George Osborne Writes

I am touched and flattered that "George Osborne" (Chancellor of the Exchequer) has written to me personally,  offering me $16.5M.

However, I am surprised that "Osborne" doesn't know that it is in fact "Her Majesty's Treasury" not "Her Majesty Treasury".

Could it be that this is a scam?

Surely not!

URGENT AND IMPORTANT MATTER/Her Majesty
Treasury
The Chancellor of the Exchequer
The Correspondence & Enquiry Unit
2/W1 HM Treasury
1 Horse Guards Road
London
SW1A 2HQ

Attention: Beneficiary,


My name is Mr. George Osborne, The Chancellor of the Exchequer,Correspondence & Inquiry Unit, Her Majesty Treasury Adviser to the Her Majesty Treasury. I'm directed to contact you by the Queen's Counsel to confirm from you, if actually you know one Mr. Fredrick Williams who claim to be your business associate/ partner in London.

The said Mr. Fredrick Williams who claims that you are dead, and that he is the bonafide beneficiary of your funds in our possession. That he will like to change all the Information that you gave to one of our bank here in London. To avoid what happened in the past, the Queen's Counsel has concluded arrangement through diplomatic means to have this fund delivered to you.

This development is coming now that HM Treasury want to offset all our outstanding payments to all our legal foreign beneficiaries’ around the world in which your payment file was affected.

As you may know, the total amount in your favor is a total sum of $16.5million U.S Dollars. We need to confirm from you if it's really true that you are dead. If we do not hear from you, it automatically means that you are actually dead and the information passed to us by Mr. Christopher Gonzales is correct.

You are to contact me through my email address as soon as you receive this message so as to know the true position of things, by using diplomatic means. HM Treasury is trying to avoid the mistake of remitting your out-standing payment to a wrong person/account.

Your swift response will help this ministry allot. Do email me with your information below:

1. Full Name:
2. Resident Address:
3. Nationality:
4. Age/Date of Birth:
5. Profession, age and marital status:
6. Your Office; Telephone and fax. Phone:
7. Mobile Telephone:
8. State of Origin: Country:
9. Copy of valid International passport or Drivers License:
10.Your private email address:

Upon the receipt of this mail kindly send the required information for more directives.

Best Regards,

Mr. George Osborne.
For Queen's Counsel Her Majesty Treasury.

Advice To Scammers

I think you will find that the phrase "Dear beneficiary" is more "plausible" than "Dead beneficiary".

Scam HMRC Emails

Scam Alert

I have received three email messages today from a "Ms Lin Homer" allegedly of HMRC (Ms. Lin Homer (mslin.homer@hmrc.gov.uk).

The emails contain a document that the sender wants me to open and download.

In the event that you receive one of these under no circumstances open or download the document, it will most likely contain a trojan that is designed to access your pin codes etc stored on your pc.

HMRC do not sent out emails like this.

A Scam Wrapped Up In A Scam

How gemusing to see a scammer telling me that I am a scam victim!

This is of course a scam wrapped up in a scam, where the scammer can't spell "governments".

"Scam Victim !!

We confirmed you as a scam victim and you fall in the list of those to be compensated with $500,000.00 from USA/ NIGERIAN goverments. Sponsored by world bank.

If you are the rightful owner of this address please reconfirm your full contact details and enclose it with your personal Identification and forward to this address immediately for onward verification and payment to your designated bank account in your Country.

Regards,

Mike Dave.

Rep. World Bank and accredited attorney to the compensation committee.

All correspondence to mikedave222@yahoo.com.au"

Advice To Nigerian Scammers

Adopting the pseudonym "Mr Honest Kelly" is a tad "unwise".

Scammers Impersonate Stephen Hester

Evidently the cretinous scammers are not aware that RBS is not having an easy time of it these days, otherwise they would never have sent the following missive (twice) allegedly from Stephen Hester CEO of RBS:

"From Mr Stephen Hester. 
P O Box 10720 
Victoria Street 
London 
WC2R 1AP 
www.rbs.co.uk 

Good day, 

I am Mr.Stephen Hester, the Group Chief Executive of Royal Bank of Scotland. I personally discovered a dormant account with a total sum of GBP35,000,000.00 [THIRTY FIVE MILLION BRITISH POUNDS] during our Bank's Annual Year Account Auditing. Since the death of the deceased, nobody has operated in this account till date. Moreover, this account has NO BENEFICIARY attached to it. 

Definitely, this fund will be confiscated by our BANKING CODE OF ETHICS if it remains dormant for a period of [10] year without any claims. In this regard, I earnestly need your full cooperation in transferring this money out of our bank to avoid our bank confiscating this fund. 

HOW THE TRANSACTION CAN BE HANDLED: 
As the Group Chief Executive of our bank, all our client account details and file are in my possession and that makes it easy for me to include your name as the beneficiary of the fund in all necessary documents involving the money we wish to transfer out from our bank. Most importantly, you will be required to: 
 (1). Act as the original beneficiary of the funds. 
(2). Receive the funds into a business/private bank account. 
(3). At the completion of this transaction, the sharing rates shall be 50% for me while 50% for you. Note: I will split the transfer into two 2 stages for easy and smooth transfer. 

Firstly, the sum of GBP30,000,000.00 will transfer to any valid foreign account you will nominate, then upon a successful transfer without any disappointment from our side; I will then fly to meet you in your home destination for sharing, thereafter we will jointly transfer the remaining balance of GBP5,000,000.00. 

I will also like us to invest some part of the money in your country. If you accept to work with me, you will be given 50% of the total money as your share and 50%. So the main question is, will you partner me in this transaction. If you are willing to cooperate in this project, 

Kindly view my identification link below and also contact me through my private email: mrstephen_h@yahoo.co.uk http://www.rbs.com/about-rbs/g1/our-board.ashx 

 I AWAIT YOUR URGENT REPLY. 

 Best Regards 
Mr Stephen Hester 
Group Chief Executive Royal Bank Of Scotland"

Advice To Spammers

My name is not, nor has it ever been, Hornfrog!

Advice To The "World Bank" Scammer

When attempting to scam people by posing as "the World Bank", it is inadvisable to use the word "massage" in the subject line of your email.

Advice To Spammers and Scammers

It is inadvisable to adopt the surname "Swindle" as your fake id!

Advice To Scammers

When trying to convince me that you have a stash of money, stock certificates and jewellery salted away in a bank, I think that you will find that the phrase is "depositary box" not "suppository box".

Advice To Cretinous Scammers

You will find that "notice" begins with "n", not "m"; thus the following subject line in the scam mail I received today (allegedly from "Petronas Free Lotto Inc.") is incorrect:

"Prize Award Motice"

Advice To Cretinous Scammers

Don't use "Yo Ken" in your subject line!

Question For Cretinous Spammer

What is "Vagra"?

Use the spell check next time you plonker!

My First Death Threat

Dear oh dear, these scammers are getting rather desperate these days.

I have over the years received many types of scams/spam from people claiming to have vast fortunes hidden in bank accounts, those who claim they are dying to those who claim that I have won the lottery. However, no one thus far has threatened to kill me; until now that is.

Whilst most can easily see through this as complete nonsense, there are some who might be genuinely frightened to receive such a note.

Whoever sent this out is a piece of shit and no mistake:

"I am a professional assassin and SMERSH have contracted me to assassinate you and have specifically paid extra for a particularly nasty death which makes it look like you died in a particularly bizarre sex game gone wrong; I had already bought the shire horse stallion (he's called Henry), the lard and the dragon dildo (from Bad Dragon of course, I only use the very best tools) when I found out that you are innocent of the accuse, so I make out this time to contact you. Unfortunately international crime syndicates won't admit to mistakes and cancel the hit so I will be forced to carry out the assassination on you. Sorry about that old chap but rules are rules.

There is an option for me to help you in other for you to know who had paid SMERSH for your DEATH and don't forget my men had been monitoring you for the past few days and daily record of your activities is been sent to me but I have refuse to order your DEATH.

Get back to me if you value your LIFE with all due speed or else I regret I will have to carry out my original contract to assassinate you and although he is quite charming for a horse I don't think Henry is the most sensitive of lovers.

You can contact me back here (spike222@e-mail.ua)

International Assassin"

Google Alart!

My compliments to this particular spammer who sent me a particularly crappy and poorly constructed attempt to defraud me of money, from an email address entitled "Google Alart".

At least make the effort to spell check your pathetic attempts to defraud me!

Oh, and by the way, you will find that the word "won" is spelt "won" rather than "w" "o" "n".

"!
Amount w o n : £850,000 GBP (with C.G.P.N : AS/MY/0010/011| T I C K E T# : 899-633/UK-11-001). As indicated in your coupon, your C.G.P.N and T I C K E T# falls under our Asia Zone Disbursement booklet where your claim shall be processed."