Advice To Spammers

TURN THE CAPTION LOCK OFF!

Advice To Spammers

When spamming me it is best to write in English, as I tend not to bother translating spam that is in a foreign language.

Oppurtunity Knocks!

Dear scammers,

You will find that "opportunity" is not spelled "oppurtunity"!

Thank you.

Advice To Barrister Michael Koffigoh

I believe the word you are groping for is "message", not "massage", re the text in the email you sent me:

"PLEASE KINDLY OPEN MY ATTACHMENT READ MY MASSAGE AND GET BACK TO ME IS VERY IMPORTANT IS ABOUT MY LATE CLIENT A CITIZEN OF YOUR COUNTRY."

Cretin!

Laugh of The Day

Out of all the spam and phishing emails I receive on a daily basis, offering me loans etc, I contend that an "organisation" that purports to call itself "UK COMIC FINANCE" is the least likely to be taken seriously!

Erections of Iron

My thanks to the spammer who keeps offering me a product that will, allegedly, give me "erections of iron".

However, the trouble with iron is that it rusts.

Question Re Penis Pills

My thanks to the spammer who sent me an advert for "cheap penis pills".

However, please could he/she tell me how the hell my penis is meant to take a pill?

Advice To Spammers

You will find that the name of the organisation which you are pretending to work for is spelt "Halifax" not "Haliofax"!

Pills For My Penis

My thanks to the spammer who sent me a spam email with the subject line:

"Pills For Your Penis"

Errmm, one question, precisely how should my penis take these pills?

Something For The Weekend?

My regular spammers have been outdoing themselves this morning, clearly expecting me to have a very busy weekend, I have had numerous offers for:

- erectile dysfunction treatments
- keep it up pills
- bras (eh?)
- "party herbals"

I declare the weekend well and truly open!

Advice To Spammers

There is no such thing as "Viara"!

Advice To Spammers

My name is not, nor has it ever been, Hornfrog!

Advice To Spammers and Scammers

It is inadvisable to adopt the surname "Swindle" as your fake id!

Ugg Boots

What is it with spammers and Ugg Boots?

I am inundated with spam trying to get me to visit various sites selling Ugg Boots.

Bin Laden Photos Contain Malware

Those with a morbid desire to see the corpse of Osama bin Laden, should resist the temptation to open any files sent to them claiming to contain photos of his corpse.

Security firms are warning that the photos, many of which are contained in an attachment labelled "Fotos_Osama_Bin_Laden.zip", contain malware designed to place a Trojan on the unwary voyeur's pc which will download banking passcodes etc.

Marks and Spencer Spam Warning

Following on from my earlier article about the largest data theft in history, it seems that Marks and Spencer have been caught up in that theft as well.

M&S have warned their customers to expect an increase in spam e-mail after hackers stole their details from the marketing firm Epsilon.

Largest Data Theft in History

Be warned the largest data theft (of customer email addresses) in history has occurred.

It affects many well known firms including; Barclaycard, Capital One, JP Morgan Chase, the Marriot International hotel group and the US supermarket chain Kroger.

Customers should be on the look out for spamming and phishing attempts by the thieves, who will pretend to be writing on behalf of the companies from which the data was stolen.

Advice to this spammer...learn to spell!

"ward"??
"AGEAINT"??

Idiot!

ATTENTION TO THE OWNER OF THIS EMAIL ADDRESS

We are pleased to notify you of your Electronic ward for 2.5, million.

Details of your winning prize is as follows;E-ticket number: 890231AN-333,Category: A,Draw: 6756Amount: 2.5, million Dollars

You are required to establish contact with your claims agent via e-mail with the particulars presented below:

CLAIMS AGENT

Contact: Mr. Leon Becker
Phone: +31 61 979 8868
Email: claimrepleonbecker@yahoo.cn

In line with the governing rules of claim, you are requested to furnishMr. Becker With the following information: 1. Full name... 2. Address.... 3. Occupation... 4. Tel/Fax.... 5.Cell/Mobile.... 6. Age... 7.. Winning Ref Number...........

NOTE: You are expected to contact the Enquiry Officer for details of claims.FRANK H. RECHARDs Promotions Co-ordinator.

NOTE:CONTACT THE CLAIMS AGEAINT
********************************************************************************************************************************************************
Presbyterian SeniorCare is proud to be the first accredited Aging Services Network in Pennsylvania.This email contains privileged and confidential information intended only for the use of the above-named recipient. If you are not the intended recipient of this email, you are hereby notified that any dissemination or copying of this email strictly is prohibited. If you have received this email in error, please immediately notify the sender by responding to the sender through email and delete the email message. This information has been disclosed to you whose confidentiality is protected by state and federal law. Any further disclosure of this information without prior consent of the person to whom it pertains may be prohibited.

Advice to the dickheaded spammer who keeps sending me emails entitled "Your Wife's Photos Attached", containing a zip file:

1 I am not moronic enough to open zip files from strangers.

2 I am not married.

Kindly fark off!

Kudos to this spammer/scammer who wins the prize for the shortest spam message of all:

"I am Mr Chen, I have a proposal for you"