Stupid Punts!

Stupid Punts!

Text

Examples of the "Nigerian scam" that flood my email box everyday.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

I find the majority of the scam emails that I receive to be tedious in the extreme.

Occasionally, there are exceptions; where the content is actually entertaining.

This is one of those rare occasions. Here the writer has sent me such a preposterous pile of poorly written horse shit, that it is in fact entertaining to read.

How sad is my life?

The writer claims to be the son of one of Zimbabwe's richest white farmers; he then, for no reason that I can determine, proceeds to tell me that he is chocolate brown in colour.

The spelling and grammar are, not to put too fine a point on it, atrocious; yet the writer claims to be fluent in English.

It seems that 2 men dressed in suites (furniture is such an inconvenient form of dress) arrived at the family homestead one day.

All was not as it should be, "daddy's cop was shot"; and daddy himself ended up beheaded in the cocoa plantation.

A real gut wrenching story!

Fortunately there is a briefcase containing documents that give access to $68M, well actually this is of course a lie. However, if you are going to lie; lie big!

The writer claims to be living in an asylum camp in London. Small point of reality here, there are no asylum camps in London.

Needless to say, if I can help our imaginative writer get his hands on the non existent sum of money; I can take 30% of it.

Don't fall for this, it is a con.

Attn: Sir,

Please permit me to introduce my self to you. I am Mr. Alex Stevens,
the first son of Mr. David Stevens (The most richest white farmer in
Zimbabwe). My father is believed to be the forth generation of the
white settlers in Zimbabwe. We are infact the descendant of the
colonial masters who rule and govern Zimbabwe before their
independent. My father is married to a Zimbabwean, Rosalyn Kembe
Stevens who died of cancer on 12th March 2000. All my life, I have
known Zimbabwe to be my home and nationality and my identification is
as follows:

COLOR: Chocolate Brown
HEIGHT: 5 1/2 feet tall
LANGUAGE: Fluent in English and very good in native Zimbabwe
AGE: 26

It was on 3rd March 2004 and at exactly 11:00 AM Zimbabwe time when 2
car known to all Zimbabweans as government official hilux truck drove
in front of our home situated in our 14,000,00 plot of wheat farm,
the 2 men were well dressed in suite and claim to have been sent by
federal council of farm owners to come and fetch my dad for an
important meeting. My father dressed up and followed the 2 young men
in their truck, while we were waiting for the arrival of my father
from the meeting, a director of our cocoa plantation came running
down with the news that my daddy’s cop was found shot and lying
recklessly on the ground with his head beheaded in the cocoa
plantation. Just after the death of my father, we received a
threatening call from an unknown telephone number telling us to flee
our home or else we will not have our head with us to flee the house.
The matter was reported to a local police but never taking seriously.
It later came to our notice that President Mugabe was solidly
behind the plot as he has vowed to eliminate all white farmers in
Zimbabwe claiming that the land were occupied by them without proper
documentation.

While we were still mourning the death of my father, some group of
black squatters invaded our home and set it on fire, but I was able
to lay my hands on my daddy’s old briefcase where he keeps his
important document and my younger sister crystabel who flee with me
to London. We are currently in London on asylum camp. While I was
going through my daddy’s document, I discovered that he had use the
help of Global Diplomatic Cargo and Securities (GDCS Securities) in
movement of the sum US$68.6M (Sixty Eight Million, Six Hundred United
States Dollars) to their affiliate office in Europe with the name of
his American friend Allen Hall to claim the funds which was packed in
2 trunk boxes as Wheat grain. Several attempts has been made by me
while in London to get in touch with Mr. Allen Hall, but my effort
has been proved abortive as I do not have his contact address. But I
have put a call across to the security company to inquire about the
status of the consignment and they made me to understand that it is
in tact. Please sir, I now religiously seek your help to assist me
in taking delivery of the consignment from the Global Diplomatic
Cargo and Securities (GDCS Securities) head office here in Europe. I
have the security deposit certificate of the consignment, the Air Way
Bill and computer print of the track shipment information of the
consignment from the official website of Global Diplomatic Cargo and
Securities (GDCS Securities).

Sir, if you can help safeguard this funds from the Global Diplomatic
Cargo and Securities (GDCS Securities), I would not mind giving you
30% of the total sum.

Finally, you may refer to CNN official website to enquire about this:
http://www.cnn.com/2000/WORLD/africa/04/15/zimbabwe.land.03/


I await your urgent response
Thanks
Alex Stevens
lnterim email box:


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