Stupid Punts!

Stupid Punts!


Examples of the "Nigerian scam" that flood my email box everyday.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Without a doubt, this is the most long winded and tedious scam email I have ever received.

Dear Friend, I am Frits Seegers, Chief Executive at Barclays.I am contacting you concerning a deceased customer William Nathan,and an investment he placed under our banks management.I would respectfully request that you keep the contents of this mail confidential and respect the integrity of the information you come by as a result of this mail. I contact you independently and no one is informed of this communication.I would like to intimate you with certain facts that I believe would be of interest to you. In 2005, the subject matter came to our bank to engage in business discussions with our private banking division. He informed us that he had a financial portfolio of 2.35 million British Pounds Sterling, which he wished to have us turn over (invest) on his behalf.I was the officer assigned to his case, I made numerous suggestions in line with my duties as the de-facto chief operations officer of the private banking sector, especially given the volume of funds he wished to put into our bank. We met on numerous occasions prior to any investments being placed. I encouraged him to consider various growth funds with prime ratings. The favored route in my advise to customers is to start by assessing data on 6000 traditional stocks and bond managers and 2000 managers of alternative investments. Based on my advice, We spun the money around various opportunities and made attractive margins for our first months of operation, the accrued profit and interest stood at this point at over 4 million British Pounds Sterling, this margin was not the full potential of the fund but he desired low risk guaranteed returns on investments. In mid 2006, he asked that the money be liquidated because he needed to make an urgent investment requiring cash payments.He directed that I liquidate the funds and have it deposited with a security firm. I informed him that Barclays would have to make special arrangements to have this done and in order not to circumvent due process, the bank would have to make a 9.5 % deduction from the funds to cater for banking and statutory charges. He complained about the charges but later came around when I explained to him the complexities of the task he was asking of us. I undertook all the processes and made sure I followed his precise instructions to the letter and had the funds deposited with a security consultancy firm. This security firm is an especially private firm that accepts deposits from high net worth individuals and blue chip corporations that handle valuable products or undertake transactions that need immediate access to cash. This small and highly private organization is familiar especially to the highly placed and well-connected organizations. In Line with instructions, the money was deposited with them.He told me he wanted the money there in anticipation of his arrival from Norway later that week. This was the last communication we had, this transpired around 25 th February 2007. In June last year, we got a call from the security company informing us of the inactivity of that particular portfolio. This was an astounding position as far as I was concerned, given the fact that I managed the private banking sector I was the only one who knew about the deposit at the security company, and I could not understand why our client had not come forward to claim his deposit.I made futile efforts to locate him. I immediately passed the task of locating him to the internal investigations department of Barclay. Four days later, information started to trickle in, apparently our man was dead. A person who suited his description was declared dead of a heart attack in Canne, South of France. We were soon enough able to confirm all of this including cause of death. The bank immediately launched an investigation into possible surviving next of kin to alert about the situation and also to come forward to claim his estate. If you are familiar with private banking affairs, those who patronize our services usually prefer anonymity, but also some levels of detachment from conventional processes. In his bio-data form, he listed no next of kin. In the field of private banking,opening an account with us means no one will know of its existence,accounts are rarely held under a name; depositors use numbers and codes to make the accounts anonymous. This bank even gives the choice to depositors of having their mail sent to them or held at the bank itself, ensuring that there are no traces of the account and as I said, rarely do they nominate next of kin. Private banking clients apart from not nominating next of kin also usually in most cases leave wills in our care, in this case; our now deceased client died in testate. In line with our internal processes for account holders who have passed away, we instituted our own investigations in good faith to determine who should have right to claim the estate. This investigation has for the past months been unfruitful. We have scanned every continent and used our private investigation affiliate companies to get to the root of the problem. It is quite clear now that our dear fellow died with no known or identifiable family members. This leaves me as the only person with the full picture of what the prevailing situation is in relation to the deposit and the late beneficiary of the deposit. According to practice,the security company will by the end of this year broadcast a request for statements of claim to Barclays, failing to receive viable claims they will most probably revert the deposit to Barclays. This will result in the money entering the Barclays accounting system and the portfolio will be out of my hands and out of the private banking division.This will not happen if I have my way. What I wish to relate to you will smack of unethical practice but I want you to understand something. It is only an outsider to the banking world who finds the internal politics of the banking world aberrational. The world of private banking especially is fraught with huge rewards for those who sit upon certain chairs and oversee certain portfolios. You should have begun by now to put together the general direction of what I propose. There is 2,350,000.00 deposited in a security company. This bank has spent great amounts of money trying to track the deceased"s family; they have investigated for months and have found no family. The investigation has come to an end. My proposal; I am prepared to furnish the necessary details to you as the closest surviving relation. Upon receipt of the deposit, I am prepared to share the money with you in half. That is: When the bank simply nominate you as the next of kin and the deposit to you.We share the proceeds 50/50. We can fine-tune this based on our interactions.I am aware of the consequences of this proposal.I ask that if you find no interest in this project that you should discard this mail.I ask that you do not be vindictive and destructive.If my offer is of no appeal to you, delete this message and forget I ever contacted you. Do not destroy my career because you do not approve of my proposal. You may not know this but people like myself who have made a tidy sum out of comparable situations run the whole private banking sector. I am not a criminal and what I do, I do not find against good conscience, this may be hard for you to understand, but the dynamics of my industry dictates that I make this move. Such opportunities only come ones way once in a lifetime.I cannot let this chance pass me by.For once I find myself in total control of my destiny.This chance wont pass me by. I ask that you do not destroy my chance, if you will not work with me let me know and let me move on with my life but do not destroy me.I am a family man and this is an opportunity to provide them with new opportunities.There is a reward for this project and it is a task well worth undertaking.I have evaluated the risks and the only risk I have here is from you refusing to work with me and alerting my bank. If you give me positive signals,I will give you the relevant details and initiate this process towards a conclusion. Please, again, note I am a family man,I have wife and children.I send you this mail not without a measure of fear as to what the consequences, but I know within me that nothing ventured is nothing gained and that success and riches never come easy or on a platter of gold.This is the one truth I have learned from my private banking clients. Do not betray my confidence.I await your response. Sincerely, Frits Seegers

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