Stupid Punts!

Stupid Punts!

Text

Examples of the "Nigerian scam" that flood my email box everyday.

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Advice To Scammers

When trying to convince me that you have a stash of money, stock certificates and jewellery salted away in a bank, I think that you will find that the phrase is "depositary box" not "suppository box".

Monday, May 21, 2012

Advice To Cretinous Scammers

You will find that "notice" begins with "n", not "m"; thus the following subject line in the scam mail I received today (allegedly from "Petronas Free Lotto Inc.") is incorrect:
"Prize Award Motice"

Friday, March 30, 2012

Thursday, March 29, 2012

My First Death Threat

Dear oh dear, these scammers are getting rather desperate these days.

I have over the years received many types of scams/spam from people claiming to have vast fortunes hidden in bank accounts, those who claim they are dying to those who claim that I have won the lottery. However, no one thus far has threatened to kill me; until now that is.

Whilst most can easily see through this as complete nonsense, there are some who might be genuinely frightened to receive such a note.

Whoever sent this out is a piece of shit and no mistake:
"I am a professional assassin and SMERSH have contracted me to assassinate you and have specifically paid extra for a particularly nasty death which makes it look like you died in a particularly bizarre sex game gone wrong; I had already bought the shire horse stallion (he's called Henry), the lard and the dragon dildo (from Bad Dragon of course, I only use the very best tools) when I found out that you are innocent of the accuse, so I make out this time to contact you. Unfortunately international crime syndicates won't admit to mistakes and cancel the hit so I will be forced to carry out the assassination on you. Sorry about that old chap but rules are rules.

There is an option for me to help you in other for you to know who had paid SMERSH for your DEATH and don't forget my men had been monitoring you for the past few days and daily record of your activities is been sent to me but I have refuse to order your DEATH.

Get back to me if you value your LIFE with all due speed or else I regret I will have to carry out my original contract to assassinate you and although he is quite charming for a horse I don't think Henry is the most sensitive of lovers.

You can contact me back here (spike222@e-mail.ua)

International Assassin"

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Google Alart!

My compliments to this particular spammer who sent me a particularly crappy and poorly constructed attempt to defraud me of money, from an email address entitled "Google Alart".

At least make the effort to spell check your pathetic attempts to defraud me!

Oh, and by the way, you will find that the word "won" is spelt "won" rather than "w" "o" "n".

"!
Amount w o n : £850,000 GBP (with C.G.P.N : AS/MY/0010/011| T I C K E T# : 899-633/UK-11-001). As indicated in your coupon, your C.G.P.N and T I C K E T# falls under our Asia Zone Disbursement booklet where your claim shall be processed."

Sunday, March 11, 2012

The "FBI" Writes

Normally scammers attempt to inveigle the gullible into their skulduggery by either trying to appeal to people's greed, or their sympathy. However, this scammer is attempting to frighten people into paying him money by claiming that he represents the FBI.

A truly pathetic scam, even by scammers' standards!

"We the fbi have a warrant to arrest you if we dont hear from you immediately,this is the final warning you are going to receive from the fbi office do you get me? 

I hope youre understand how many times this message has been sent to you. 

We have warned you so many times and you have decided to ignore our e-mails we have been instructed to get you arrested immediately, and today if you fail to respond back to us with the payment then, we will close your bank account and jail you and all your properties will be confiscated by the fbi. 

III,M Robert.‏"

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

Scam From "Steve Jobs"

Dear oh dear, the scam merchants really are scraping the bottom of  barrel these days.

I received this email today, purportedly from the executors of the late Steve "Job" (sic).

Aside form the obvious point that the late CEO of Apple was in fact called "Jobs" not "Job", why on earth does the scammer think that I would be stupid enough to believe that Jobs (who would have never heard of me) leave me any money?

Oh, and by the way, what is "Fourthy"?

Cretin!

SUB: LATE STEVE JOB'S WILL


On behalf of the Trustees and Executors of the late American Philanthropist Steve Job, chairman & CEO at Apple Inc. + Director at The Walt Disney Company. We wish to notify you once again that the late Steve Job. made you one of the beneficiaries to his (WILL), he bequeathed the sum of Four Million Great British Pounds Sterling Only GBP 4,000,000.00) to you in the codicil and last testament to his (WILL) which is eleven (10%) of his total funds of GBP 40,000,000.00 (Fourthy Million Great British Pounds Sterling.


This may sound very strange and unbelievable to you, but it is real and true. Being a widely popular traveled man, he must have been in contact with you in the past or simply you were nominated to him by one of his numerous friends here or abroad who wished you well. Late Steve Job, the reclusive American-born philanthropist born in San Francisco, California.USA.


According to him this money is to support religious and humanitarian activities and to help the poor and the needy in your society. Please if I reach you as I am hopeful, endeavor to get back to me as soon as possible to enable me conclude my job. I hope to hear from you in no distant time.


For more information contact me at my email: bnpwell13@blumail.org


We look forward to hearing from you.


Yours in services,


Barr. Nelson Powell Esq Email: bnpwell13@blumail.org

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Colonel Gaddafi's Daughter Writes

LOL, this scammer claiming to be Colonel Gaddafi's daughter has written to me.

The usual shite about boxes containing vast sums of money etc etc.

Aside from it obviously being bollocks, methinks the Gaddafi's daughter would write far better English than this scammer were she really to write to me!

"Greetings, 

My name is Ayesha Gaddafi am the only daughter late president Muammar Gaddafi, who ruled Libya from 1969 to 2011. During the period of his stay in office, he made me go into money exchange and gold business but due to the up rising/crisis in libya now he died a careless death as a result of that i made a bold decission that i was going to leave the country so that i will not fall a victim like my father did because the way things are going on,no body is safe. 

However before the death of my father he deposited $20 million to a bank in London Uk, which i will provide you with the contact information. And also as people were evacuating the country i packaged 85 kilogram of Gold in an italian safe as a mattar of fact i saw a UNITED NATION humaniterian aid worker he was going to London UK and i secure the two boxes on his care but i did not disclose the original content of box to him.I asked him to help me to convey the boxes to his country in the United Kingdom,i told him that the content of the boxes is my father's properties documents both home and abroad,i told him to help me secure it till my country is calm then i will give him instruction on that,so he to issue to me the certificate of ownership of the boxes with my name which i will forward to you for the collections of the boxes because he said that whoever that is coming to claim it should present the ownership certificate that was our agreement. 

As i was making searching in the internet i got your email address and i said to my self that i was going to do busines with you in your country. i am happy the diplomat had now arrived to London safely with my frist son and he has called me and i told him that somebody will call him about the boxes i gave him and he said no problem that my boxes are safe and i am free any time for it. Having gone through my mail massage i will like us to work together in your country with the money US$20 Million so if you have accepted with me then get back to me with your full name,your country of origin,your age and sex,your private telephone number,your current occupation and lastly any of your valid identification card. with all this it will enable us to proceed and please remember not to disclose this to any body for security reasons,If you have accepted then i will give you the contact to contact the Diplomat for the boxes of gold and the contact information of the bank were the money is been deposited in United Kingdom and as soon as every thing is concluded i will fly to your country to settle down there for the rest of my life and we will invest the money and sale the gold. Waiting to hear from you as it will enable me to stop searching for another helper. 

Best Regard 

Ayesha Gaddafi 

only daughter late president Muammar Gaddafi"

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

Advice To Scammers

When you write to me purporting to be Western Union, at least have the brains to spell the name of the company correctly in your fake email address!

"wiesternunion@prokonto.pl

Attn: Scam Victim, From Western Union Money Transfer, Please view the attachment for more information."

Thursday, December 08, 2011

Ugg Boots

What is it with spammers and Ugg Boots?

I am inundated with spam trying to get me to visit various sites selling Ugg Boots.

Monday, December 05, 2011

A Trip To Nigeria

My thanks to the spammer who sent me this "kind" message.

As to ever coming to Nigeria "for a discussion", "when hell freezes over" is my response to that!

"I think i’m interested in you. Get in touch with me on my email I will want to you to come down to Nigeria for more discussion."